The True Origin of Google?

Here's a conspiracy theory that takes me back to my days at Forest Park Christian School, where I first encountered the notion, told with utmost seriousness, that the band KISS stood for "Knights In Satan's Service (Cuz The Screams of the Tormented Lack Sufficient Cacophony)".

Imagine you were a historian who found an artifact that tied together a relatively new global internet firm, a game that most find nerdy and some find spiritually corrupting, and the word "savior"? You'd have the next "The Late Great Planet Earth" or "Omen".

I won't keep you in suspense any longer. The decoder wheel comes from SSI's Advanced Dungeons & Dragons "Pool of Radiance". Google, Savior, D&D...so far no "666", but I'll keep looking.

Resist The Siren Call of College Football Playoffs

Once again, the brickbats are flying about the BCS and how it cheated certain teams (this year’s BCS biatch is Michigan) of a shot at the title. My personal taste would have preferred an Ohio State – Michigan rematch just because I love the rivalry. But I think a college football playoff system is bad and here’s why –

1) It Wouldn’t Stop The Bitching – We'll still need the Poll of Evil to seed the playoffs, and instead of the #2, 3, and 4 teams (or their fans actually) bitching about being cheated it would be the #17, 18, etc., or whatever the “bubble + 1” position ends up becoming.

2) Other sports / divisions do it – Forget the bromide about moms and cliffs, let’s break this excuse down.

a. Other sports – Despite attempts to conquer the scourge of missing the college basketball post-season, people still bitch about how unfair it is to everyone but the ACC. Baseball playoff selection triggers similar albeit less visible discontent. More importantly, neither sport demands the same level of physical punishment as football. That’s one reason football is played on a weekly basis. I didn’t mention hockey, which I’ll get to later.

b. Other divisions – for most players outside (and inside actually) of Division 1-A, college football is the terminal stage in their athletic career. What fuels this playoff madness is that at least in basketball and football, the NCAA has conveniently inserted itself as the gatekeeper to a pro career. There’s a reason the NBA decided to raise the draft age to 20 -- to force the Kobeys and LeBrons through the NCAA apprenticeship program. Which ties into my next point.

c. College football is NOT pro football, and until something resembling equitable compensation for players is enacted, kids should not be asked to sacrifice a shot at millions or their future health to satisfy the pride of a bunch of drunken louts, I mean alumni, and / or get a degree. If we want a pro football format, we should either create a wage scale in college football or fund a minor league system.

d. College hockey does it – true, but hockey has a minor league system. Choices exist. Besides, hockey players have a death wish, and I say that with love in my heart.

3) It loses sight of why we have college athletics – have we reduced it to just winning and bragging rights? If we're not proud of our school unless it has a great football program, does that make us school alumni or school football team fans who happen to have college degrees? (Maybe neither -- a lot of fans in my state never attended college...) I’ve watched my share of games and have yet to see a university or athletic conference commercial talk about anything other than how the university or conference produces well-rounded people for the future. If we’re going to adopt pro sports values, then let’s go all the way and drop the education / character-building nonsense. Let's call them sports franchises that have an education subsidiary. But then college sports would have to compete for talent on the open market, which goes against generations of exploitative and anti-competitive practices hypocritically spun as “sports purity” or “student-athleticism”.

4) The Kids Want a Playoff – I applaud their enthusiasm, but I’m not sure how much credibility to give it until I hear a “student-athlete” come out with a well-reasoned (or at least sincere) position AGAINST the playoff system. If my state's college football intrigues provide any guide, it would not stretch reality too far to suggest such a maverick would find his BMOC status in jeopardy, at least with some of the boosters.

If you've read this much, you might have time to consider a solution. Adopt the playoff system under two conditions – the first being the players are given an equitable wage for their service in addition to whatever scholarship they receive. The second, hold the NFL draft BEFORE the playoffs and allow those drafted to sit out the playoffs. The players deserve a chance to control their fate.

Hello? I'd Like To Place An Order for 535 Cricifixes...

Once again Congress has done something to piss me off. They banned Internet(s) gambling. Funny thing is, I don't gamble, at least not casino games. I spend a few bucks a week on the state lottery, and I've got a 401(k) or two. And I drive in Atlanta traffic 4-5 days a week.

The blogs I'm certain are straining under the weight of the digital piss-and-moan that's been going on all day. In the end, the law proves three things --

1) Almost everything you like has someone who hates it.
2) That someone inevitably has the ear of Congress.
3) Any law that can't pass in open debate on its' merits will be snuck in by midnight vote or by log-rolling it into something that must pass.

I think it's time for America to realize its' government may be beyond recognition, maybe even beyond redemption. I doubt the polls will produce any meaningful change.

And when "demo"-therapy fails to cure the cancer, a thoughtful doctor resorts to excision, even a painful one, or resigns themselves to the death of their patient.

In the end, the question remains, "What are you prepared to do about it, and when?"

Why I Suck at BF2

After an exhausting and not too productive BF2 session last night I decided to analyze some of the high scorers in hopes of finding that “secret formula” whereby enemies fall to my whirlwind of death. Last night I took the following snapshot –

Rank	Player	Score	Date Joined	Last Battle	Days Elapsed	Hours Elapsed	Hours Played	Commander	Squad Leader	Squad Member	Lone Wolf	Saturation (% of Day Spent Playing)	Avg Hours / Day Spent Playing	Scoring Efficiency (Points / Hr Played)
1	[redacted]	538326	2005-06-11	2006-09-05	451	10824	1568.33	106:12:01	284:28:30	1115:28:30	62:10:59	14.49%	3.48	343.25
2	[redacted]	488329	2005-06-10	2006-09-05	452	10848	3055.13	646:21:22	1587:04:28	737:33:51	84:07:51	28.16%	6.76	159.84
3	[redacted]	480398	2005-06-28	2006-09-05	434	10416	2324.23	113:40:17	1247:56:25	747:22:09	215:14:58	22.31%	5.36	206.69
4	[redacted]	478214	2005-07-09	2006-08-24	411	9864	2712.17	1333:30:15	406:21:04	263:27:33	708:51:24	27.50%	6.60	176.32
5	[redacted]	452897	2005-06-14	2006-09-05	448	10752	2035.86	121:51:07	321:57:29	1476:42:21	115:20:41	18.93%	4.54	222.46
6	[redacted]	451964	2005-06-24	2006-09-05	438	10512	1837.52	5:02:47	55:40:34	506:49:49	1269:58:08	17.48%	4.20	245.96
7	[redacted]	412752	2005-07-25	2006-08-28	399	9576	2731.70	219:31:41	974:57:58	1014:44:05	522:28:21	28.53%	6.85	151.10
8	[redacted]	411175	2005-07-19	2006-09-05	413	9912	2876.69	315:52:50	1343:31:17	714:15:11	503:02:12	29.02%	6.97	142.93
9	[redacted]	406171	2005-06-22	2006-09-05	440	10560	2272.09	206:29:56	1187:14:24	479:45:17	398:35:36	21.52%	5.16	178.77
10	[redacted]	404467	2005-06-10	2006-09-05	452	10848	1799.59	209:30:31	987:02:07	581:02:09	22:00:40	16.59%	3.98	224.75
104396	squozzer	25851	2005-12-09	2006-09-05	270	6480	371.18	0:00:00	137:01:32	135:56:22	98:13:00	5.73%	1.37	69.65

I didn’t know at the time there already existed stat scrapers for all sorts of games -- I’m just old enough to NOT Google everything first. The few I visited had neither the stats I wanted nor all of the top 10 scorers anyway.

To be sure, the stats presented here don’t tell much, except that some people seem to have a lot of time on their hands. All of the top 10 average at least 3.5 hours / day playing time. That’s an average over every day since they began playing BF2. Some players, especially #2, #4, #7, and #8, have made it a full-time job.

Here are some other conclusions:

1) All of the top 10 began playing very soon after BF2’s introduction, which I believe was May 2005.

2) Most have played within the last 24 hours.

3) No correlation exists between a player’s preferred position – Commander, Squad Leader, etc. – and their score. Most however, tend to favor squad or commander action to Lone Wolf -- #6 excepted.

4) All of them had scoring efficiencies WAY higher – at least double – to mine.

5) There may be a correlation between average playing time and scoring efficiency somewhere between #104396 and #10, but within the top 10 a correlation is weak at best. Of course, 10 players do not a representative sample make.

Questions that remain:

1) What factors contribute to high scoring efficiencies?

a. Kits?

b. Vehicles?

c. Combat Scoring?

d. Teamwork Scoring?

e. Commanding, especially with high winning percentage?

f. Maps Played?

g. # of Players on Server?

h. Skill, as measured by Accuracy or Kill Ratio?

i. Aggression, e.g. tendency to capture points or engage multiple enemies solo?

j. Relative skill of opponents? Is it possible to shop for a server full of noobs?

k. Tactics, e.g. spawning into a contested point vs. a safe one?

l. Factors outside the game, e.g. PC performance, network bandwidth, gamepads?

2) Can someone REALLY average 7 hours per day of playing, i.e. without running bots or shifts?

Click It Or Ticket, Part Two

Knowing that politicos love catchy phrases in pursuit of fleecing their charges, I’d like to try my hand at it. Maybe I can land a cushy job marketing Big Bro programs to the sheeple –

1) “Inflate It or Be Berated” – tackling the epidemic of low tire pressure

2) “Stay Off The Street, Or You’re Dead Meat” – jaywalking

3) “A Broken Light Will Get You A Night (In Jail)” – for (obviously) broken head / tail / side / interior lights

4) “That Bondo Has Gotta Go!” – for the War on Bad Bodywork

5) “Paint That Door, Or We’ll Make You Sore” – I suppose we’ll have to make exceptions for those multicolored VW Rabbits that were once popular. Or maybe not.

a. Variation “…or My Gun Will Roar” – just in case they didn’t get the hint the first time.

6) “Change That Space Saver, Or Wear It Like Flava” – to those who run the “doughnuts of death” for 1000+ miles.

7) “Honk Your Horn, And You’ll Wish You’d Never Been Born” – for the rude drivers who believe rush-hour traffic should part for them as if they were Cleopatra on her litter.

8) “Stay On The Sidewalk, Or Be Outlined In Chalk” – to combat the plague of stupid pedestrians

9) “Drive Stoned And You’ll Get Boned” – submitted by Bubba, the world’s loneliest convict

10) “Lose Your Cherry, Lose Your License” – just in case you thought prom night was supposed to be fun…

And one I thought was especially appropriate with my cracked windshield...

11) "You look like an ass - fix your glass!" (Thx Phil!)