Adventures In Deceptive Packaging

Here's something I discovered a while back while shopping for light bulbs.

Consider the picture below -- how many bulbs do you think the box contains?



If you said 4, which it sure looks like --



Here's a better view --



Considering the product was priced a dollar less than the true 4-packs surrounding it, I impulsively grabbed it, which is when I discovered someone was trying to rip me off.

But I bought them anyway just to talk about the experience.

It's a perfect example of how businesses sometimes try to trick us. Sure, it says 2 bulbs, but what purpose does the extra-long tab serve? So we can look at a picture of a tree trunk and read a bunch of claims?

War On Xmas (After the Fact)

True to my nature, I put off this post until after Xmas...



I’m not talking about the yearly Fox News propaganda segment, but my own personal war against some of the holiday season’s boring and trite aspects.

Actually, I like Christmas, as it’s mostly fun, even the repetitive parts. However, it lacks a certain element of playfulness, probably because of the pressure we put upon ourselves to find the perfect gift, throw the perfect party, or however we go about showing the world that we get it.

We kill ourselves using the holidays as another avenue of one-upmanship.

We take off our Halloween masks and put on our Xmas masks.

Instead, maybe we should try subverting Christmas, and in so doing, we’ll drop our Xmas masks.

Maybe we should tap into our Inner Grinch.

One might consider torching a Santa display or nativity scene, which would certainly provoke a reaction, but it seems rather grandiose and impersonal.

I prefer something with a personal touch. For example, what if you gave your neighbor, nephew, or family friend something really obnoxious, just for laughs?

Sure, electric guitars and drum sets have been around for decades, but cost too much for the mischief delivered. How about something smaller and cheaper -- for instance, a small battery-powered megaphone?

I found some Totes mini-megaphones at the local JCPenney and my Inner Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea – imagining how a 9-year-old would have such a delightful time at the expense of his or her parents.



So naturally, I picked up a couple.

Then I tested one on my girlfriend and other members of my household.

They responded unanimously – they hated it. Jackpot!

Excuse me while I pretend to insert my fist into an imaginary cavity.

I gave one as a gift this weekend. The results that followed matched my predictions exactly. By Xenu’s space ray, I love being right and gloating about it.

I also put one in the Toys For Tots box at my job. Not sure if it will get past the people who run the program, but Marines like to yell a lot, so I can’t see any philosophical objection they might raise against it.



I have two more Megaphones to give – one to a young man who’s a bit on the hyper side, and one to myself.

So make an appointment to Google the following on 12/26 – “Man has mini-megaphone surgically removed from his rectum.”